Happy New Year! After a few weeks off for the holiday break, I’m back, and I’m glad you are a part of this Deep Change community.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about that Psalm that says, “This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 124:18)
Specifically, I’ve been meditating on the words, “I will be glad in it [this day].”
I stink at gladness. I struggle to be present in moments because I’m critical or distracted. I happen to be married to a fairy who is constantly sprinkling her fairy dust all over life, and still, I’m more often disgruntled or indifferent than glad.
So that’s what I’ve been asking myself lately. Why is it so hard to feel glad?
I’m sure there are many reasons, but I’m learning one about myself—shame.
Specifically, I feel that I should be doing better than I am. It shows up everywhere. Let me give you a real-time example.
Just this morning, I went to the gym. I committed this year to run a mini-marathon with my wife, so we have started training, and I have been to the gym 4 days already in the new year (I’ll hold for applause).
I haven’t missed one day of my training. But as I stand there on the treadmill, I don’t feel glad that I’m showing up to the gym for the first time in over a year. Nope.
Instead, I feel like I should be running faster and farther. I remember being in good shape and could run 7:30-minute miles; now, I’m barely running 12-minute miles. And that’s when it starts,
“You’re so fat!” “Why are you so slow?” “You’re never going to stick with it.” “People are watching you run right now and are laughing at you.”
And that was all just this morning.
I can give you a million examples.
- Over 2,000 people will read this email. Does that make me glad? Not as much as I wish. “Why isn’t it 5,000?”
- I’ve written books that have really helped people. “But I should already be writing the next one.”
- I’ve got $5,000 in my savings account, “but I went over budget on Christmas.”
I could keep going, but you get the point. The biggest enemy of my gladness is this constant feeling of guilt and shame for not being better or farther along.
For so long, I waited for this magical day when I would wake up and be glad. When my church grew to a certain size, I made a hole-in-one, sold a certain number of books, or my kid won a championship. But it always fell short because of the condemning voices of shame.
I’m learning something new now, though. It’s so simple I can’t believe I missed it all this time.
The Psalmist said, “This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Gladness is a result. In other words, I will feel glad when I rejoice.
At the risk of oversimplifying, rejoice means to “re-joy” to find joy again in things that give you joy. Rejoice is not a reaction; it’s a choice. And for people like me, it’s a challenge.
But I’ve noticed that when I stop long enough to take joy in something, the result is gladness.
Let me give you the silliest example possible: concession stand popcorn.
It’s crazy, I know, but a few weeks ago, I was watching my daughter play volleyball, and I bought some fresh popcorn from the concession stand, and as I was eating it, I thought to myself, “Man, this is good. I really like concession stand popcorn.”
Guess what I felt? Gladness. I was glad I was there. I was glad I was watching my daughter do something she loves. I was glad I was eating popcorn.
But it’s about a whole lot more than popcorn. The point is that the more often you find little moments to rejoice, the more often you will feel gladness.
- When you hold your spouse’s hand
- When your church sings one of your favorite worship songs
- When your family is gathered around the table for a home-cooked meal
- When the weather is surprisingly warm on a winter day
Gladness is almost entirely within your control; it just requires a choice to rejoice.
